02 March 2011

Terbang Dari Tingkat 24

Mama has been gone for a month. I haven't been back to Mama's grave since day 2 after she passed away. I'm not sure when I'll ever go back. I mean, it's not like I'm avoiding the place, but I HATE IT THERE. I'm not super spirtual (yes so?). Hence, I believe and I know that Mama is still around, and still with me, and going to the cemetery is just so friggin weird for me. Sebab I tau she's not there. And it almost feels like going to visit a gua or something (since there is a nice gua nearby the cemetery kan). And I hate it when people ask me if I go there a lot. Cause I tell them the truth and then I feel like they're judging me for not going a lot.

My sister and I took care of Mama in hospital the last 15 days of her life. There was also Ayah and Abang Rafi, my brother inlaw, together with us always. It’s a wonderful experience that I would do again if the situation presented itself, but it’s not for the faint of heart. It’s very difficult physically and emotionally to care for a body that is in deep pain. But it’s also incredibly rewarding. It felt like the greatest gift I’ve ever given Mama. So nobody understands more that my small family.

Pain and sadness are my family's last name now. First was Yop, my eldest brother pass away on July 4th, 2008. Then Abang, my second elder brother on November 24th 2010, then tak sampai 2 months Mama ikut Abang. January 30th, 2011. You want to talk about pain, mai sini aku tepuk kepala hang. Smash the glass, that's what I am now.

It's been a month now, and I miss her like whoaaaaaa. Peluk Mama banyak-banyak in illusion. Love Mama forever tau, Ma.

A hobby I can no longer do, usik Mama.

3 comments:

Farihah Ahmad said...

sorry for knowing this dgn sgt2 lewat. tabah ye syg.....

Zaqyah Rezzaq said...

farihah: takpa, tq. memang malas nak blog pasal ni pun. hilang kata-kata sat tapi now dah buleh dah sikit-sikit :)

Atyn Roslan said...

Jadi yang terkuat okay? Ada lagi yg perlukan kamu! U're strong girl. ;')

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